Behind the smile

This blog comes to you as I sit on my bathroom floor, watching my kids play with their dolls in the tub. I know what you may be thinking… Be present in the moment and enjoy this time… but hear me out just for a minute.

2 years ago I was sitting in the same spot every night fighting back tears, present in my body but my mind was many miles away. I’d be thinking about what I didn't accomplish that day or trying my best to look put together before my husband got home from work. I was good at hiding my struggles. My kids and my husband always saw a smile on my face, but really, I was falling apart on the inside.

It was such a magical time in my life. We had 2 girls close in age like we wanted (only 19 months apart and oh how our oldest was such a good big sister). We had a beautiful home, amazing friends, and I had a very supportive family. No matter what I tried, I couldn't escape the dark cloud that followed me everywhere I went. No matter how happy I looked on the outside, on the inside I felt like nothing.

Fast forward 2 years later. You couldn't beat the smile off my face. I love life and I am so grateful for everything in it. I’ve left a corporate job to follow my true passion for helping others. I started a business right before a global pandemic as a Total Body Health Coach and I'm here to tell you, it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and it will not just stop here. I have big dreams!

So how did this change come about? It came from self worth. Now, the road was not paved. In fact, it was a very bumpy road, and it still can be, but I believe in myself so much that I know I will get through anything. Wow- I need to say that again. I BELIEVE IN ME. I believed in me even when other people didn't.

To the mom, sister, friend, wife, or daughter sitting on the couch wondering if things will get better, I’m here to tell you they will. My change all started with taking 15 minutes a day for me and only me. That 15 minutes a day turned into more, it made me think about me and only me. When I closed my door for that 15 minutes, I locked everything else out. The only thing I let in were thoughts of me and my feelings. I allowed myself to feel sad. I allowed myself to feel whatever emotions I had and I think that's so important. I didn't just switch the flip to Positive Polly. I sat with my feelings to understand them. Once I understood them, I had to take action to let them go. If I didn't take action, who would? I needed change and I wanted change. (Let’s be real. This took a long time. It’s a practice that I still follow to this day and something I will always follow.) This time alone allows me to rediscover who I am besides being the things to everyone else, who I want to be, and what I want out of life.

Ask yourself what you want to be, and if you don't know that answer, I encourage you to take 15 minutes today to yourself because, my beauty, you deserve it.

So as I get soaking wet with my kids here writing you this letter, I want to tell you that you deserve everything your heart desires. I want my kids to look at me when they are older and say, “Mom, thanks for not giving up on your dreams. You showed us the way!”

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